As of today, I have 100 days to go! How insane is that? The time has just been flying by, and I know that the next three months are going to seem like an eternity, but it's so awesome to already be this far.
Well, what's new? I'm sick. I have a sinus infection, and I seriously think it's stress inducted. Work has been making me crazy in more ways that one. I think I'm okay in terms of my caseload and actual meetings and whatnot, but upper management and the thoughtlessness of the agency are really starting to wear on me. It's quite hard to explain, unless you work with me (which I know many of my readers do), but the long and short of it is, morale sucks right now. Part of it is turn-over - we're trying to hire three people immediately, and another one for the end of the summer. The rest of it, I probably shouldn't go into, but it's stressful enough for me, being pregnant and trying to plan to be gone for three and a half months, and then to have to worry about training a ton of new people, as well as trying to keep the troops happy...
Part of my own "stress" is the thought of having to go back to work after maternity leave. It's so hard to explain how I feel, but I've always wanted to be able to be a stay-at-home-mom, at least for the first few years. I think it's weighing on me more and more as my due date approaches, because the idea of having a baby in my arms is almost a reality, and after trying so hard, for so long, all I can think about is spending every waking moment with him. I'm sure lots of women who have to go back to work after baby feel this way, and I don't want to discount their feelings, but I guess I just feel like my desire is exacerbated by the fact that I wished for this little miracle SO hard, it tears me apart to think about not being with him.
How do I resolve this? I have no idea. I'm looking for options, so any suggestions are welcome. The beauty of my current job is that I have more flexibility than anyone I know. I could work from home one day a week, I can change my hours on a daily basis, I can call in last minute and not be questioned about it. But I still have to manage to pull 40 hours a week, carry a 3/4 caseload of 45 kids, and be available to train and support staff on a regular basis. I can't do my job at part-time, for one - there's no way they would let me, and for two - I wouldn't make enough to pay our bills, so that's not an option. I guess I'll just keep wishing for another miracle!!
What else is new? Little man (I call him Monkey) moves ALL THE TIME! Daddy hasn't felt him move yet, but I'm hoping he will soon. He kick low and hard, and he's super active around 9pm when I'm relaxing on the couch with my feet up.
I think he's a pretty laid back kid. I can't really explain it. I guess it's just a gut feeling, but he just seems so chill and content to me. Maybe it's because my pregnancy has been so easy, I don't know. I just hope I'm right!
Last thing, I want to thank Sissy for the AWESOME shower invites! I love them! As this blog is for Baby K and I've been documenting everything else so far, here's what the invite looks like:
I especially loved the baby photo inserts of Ben and I. The photos have info about our registries and blog on the back. I heard that the photos were Sarah's idea, so thanks for the awesome idea, Sarah - I love it! And finally, thanks to Scott for laboriously creating the inserts last Saturday while Julie & I played all day!
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