my girl is amazing. and beautiful. though i wonder, everyone says she looks just like me, so is it vane of me to say that she is beautiful? if it is, i don't care. :) she looks like emily to me, just the way noah looks like noah. i see the similar features between the two of them, and features that resemble ben or i, but when i look at them, i just see my beautiful babies.
emily was six weeks old this week, and right at the six week mark, she started giving me big cheesy smiles. of course, they're still somewhat inconsistent. she has to be alert, content, and willing. i usually have to open my eyes really wide and raise the pitch of my voice, and with a little prompting, she'll get wide eyed, smiley eyes, start poking her tongue out of her mouth, and ultimately give a wide, open mouthed grin. i've yet to catch the toothless grin on camera, but ben and i know these are no longer gas smiles.
this week was also big because emily started consistently "sleeping through the night". i put that in quotes because sleeping through the night at this stage is pretty subjective. she is started to get on a more regular sleep schedule where she wakes around 7 or 8, eats, "naps" for an hour or two, eats, is up for awhile, naps mid-day (2ish), is up for awhile, naps early pm (6ish), and then falls asleep around 10pm, but wakes to eat around midnight. now there are good nights and bad nights. the good nights, she eats once at 12 or 1 and sleeps til 6 or 7. the bad nights, she wants to eat like 3 times around 12, 1, 2 ish and might sleep til 5 or 6. still, not bad.
we also booked our trip this week to the west coast! emily's first airplane trip will be to southern california in just under two weeks! we fly february 11th to california where we'll spend a few days with ben's sister sarah, before driving to phoenix to spend a few days with my college roommate, amanda, who just had her second baby, a little boy named jett, two weeks ago!
another big milestone is that noah is practically potty trained! it's been probably three weeks now since i decided one saturday that noah was going to wear underpants and pee on the potty. now, we've had several false starts on this. noah's been sitting on the potty for a looooong time. he's been pooping on the toilet every night for ages, but to get him to acknowlege when he has to pee and actually sit on the potty was another story. we tried underpants when we were on vacation at piatt lake this summer, but stopped for fear of giving noah a complex, since he would scream everytime we tried to put him on the toilet. we tried again around thanksgiving, but he didn't care that his undies would get wet when he peed. finally, we decided to try pull ups. that last a few days before i basically became frustrated that they were just expensive diapers since noah didn't care that he was wet, and developed a rash from wearing them for a few days.
the first day in undies, i bribed noah. i gave him choices of snacks, chocolate or candy corn. he chose candy corn. i told him he could have one candy corn for sitting on the potty and trying to go, or two if he actually went potty. bribery is an amazing thing! there were a few minor accidents in the first couple days and fewer big accidents, and the big accidents weren't even that big. whenever he would have an accident, we'd rush him to the potty. he probably got sick of it, but part of our routine became - "noah, remember to tell mommy when you have to go potty. do you have to go potty? what are you going to say when you have to go potty? always tell someone when you have to go potty."
we're at a point now where noah wears undies 100% of the time he's awake. we've never had a major mess outside of the house, and this past monday, even went to the museum of science and industry with no issues. though, on the drive home, noah was acting like he had to go, saying he was uncomfortable and his butt hurt (??) so we stopped at a burger king to use the bathroom. it was a false alarm. he still wears pull ups at nap and bedtime, but in the last day or two, he's woken up almost completely dry. he knows wearing undies is a big deal, and we praise him big time every time he goes and every time he remembers to tell us without being prompted.
still need to finish up the birth/hospital story, but trying to enjoy each moment with my little one. the weeks are flying by. i can hardly believe it's almost february and my maternity leave ends in five weeks.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
six weeks into the life of emily
first things first. emily is six weeks old today. :)
anyway - it has been a loooooong time, and i do apologize. i started writing emily's birth story and it has turned into her birth story slash the story of our hospital stay. needless to say, it's not done, though i need to finish it soon before all the details leave my brain forever.
but i decided i needed to start up blogging again and not wait to finish the birth story because the weeks are slipping by, and my memory again is making me angry. i am so sad that i have SUCH a bad memory. last night laying in bed, i got a little teary thinking about how much emily has already changed - 6lb 7oz at birth, up to 10lb 1oz as of today, receding hairline (the hair on top is gone, but in the back is going strong), her cheeks are probably four times the size they were at birth (though her chicken legs are still chicken-y)...
anyway, the early weeks were as one would expect. ben was home through the 27th. noah was a immediately smitten and was so sweet and gentle with emily from day one. he had a minor regressing right around the four week mark, but remarkably a week or so later, i successfully potty trained noah. (more on that later.) the holidays were rough. too much, too soon. i was still physically recovering from my c-section and emotionally dealing with all the changes in my life, my lack of sleep, and raw nipples. (sorry TMI)
the hardest thing early on was nursing. i recalled that with noah, he was lazy and never nursed well, but as things progressed with emily, i remembered that i ultimately stopped with noah because of the painful effects of an apparently poor latch. from probably week two to week four with emily, i questioned my ability to nurse her long term. i had to take a break on one side around christmas and pump it for a few days because it was so sore and in such bad shape. and then came the growth spurts. there have been days and weeks that i've felt like all she does round the clock is nurse.
in the last couple days, she seems to be developing more of a schedule. she's sleeping up to five hour stretches at night and has been for several days. she's awake for longer stretches during the day, and seems to have a good 2-3 "naps" throughout the day. there have been glimspes here and there of a questionable smile, but today, despite her being especially pitiful because of having gotten her shots, i'm pretty sure she and i exchanged some real deal cheesers, with wide eyes and gurgly "goo"s thrown in.
all in all, she's a pretty easy kid. laid back and calm. only crying and fussing when she's poopy or hungry. or bored. i think sometimes she just wants to be held and talked to. there have been a handful of times that she has been inconsolable. we briefly had her on Axid as the ped suspected reflux. we also briefly gave her gas drops. now, the gas is still sometimes an issue. i really think she sometimes does have tummy discomfort, but i feel pretty confident it's not reflux. our biggest "issue" is that she often chokes when she's nursing, presumably due to difficulty dealing with my "let down". hoping she'll learn to deal with it soon, because it sounds horrible when she does it.
it's late but i will be better at updating. more to come!
anyway - it has been a loooooong time, and i do apologize. i started writing emily's birth story and it has turned into her birth story slash the story of our hospital stay. needless to say, it's not done, though i need to finish it soon before all the details leave my brain forever.
but i decided i needed to start up blogging again and not wait to finish the birth story because the weeks are slipping by, and my memory again is making me angry. i am so sad that i have SUCH a bad memory. last night laying in bed, i got a little teary thinking about how much emily has already changed - 6lb 7oz at birth, up to 10lb 1oz as of today, receding hairline (the hair on top is gone, but in the back is going strong), her cheeks are probably four times the size they were at birth (though her chicken legs are still chicken-y)...
anyway, the early weeks were as one would expect. ben was home through the 27th. noah was a immediately smitten and was so sweet and gentle with emily from day one. he had a minor regressing right around the four week mark, but remarkably a week or so later, i successfully potty trained noah. (more on that later.) the holidays were rough. too much, too soon. i was still physically recovering from my c-section and emotionally dealing with all the changes in my life, my lack of sleep, and raw nipples. (sorry TMI)
the hardest thing early on was nursing. i recalled that with noah, he was lazy and never nursed well, but as things progressed with emily, i remembered that i ultimately stopped with noah because of the painful effects of an apparently poor latch. from probably week two to week four with emily, i questioned my ability to nurse her long term. i had to take a break on one side around christmas and pump it for a few days because it was so sore and in such bad shape. and then came the growth spurts. there have been days and weeks that i've felt like all she does round the clock is nurse.
in the last couple days, she seems to be developing more of a schedule. she's sleeping up to five hour stretches at night and has been for several days. she's awake for longer stretches during the day, and seems to have a good 2-3 "naps" throughout the day. there have been glimspes here and there of a questionable smile, but today, despite her being especially pitiful because of having gotten her shots, i'm pretty sure she and i exchanged some real deal cheesers, with wide eyes and gurgly "goo"s thrown in.
all in all, she's a pretty easy kid. laid back and calm. only crying and fussing when she's poopy or hungry. or bored. i think sometimes she just wants to be held and talked to. there have been a handful of times that she has been inconsolable. we briefly had her on Axid as the ped suspected reflux. we also briefly gave her gas drops. now, the gas is still sometimes an issue. i really think she sometimes does have tummy discomfort, but i feel pretty confident it's not reflux. our biggest "issue" is that she often chokes when she's nursing, presumably due to difficulty dealing with my "let down". hoping she'll learn to deal with it soon, because it sounds horrible when she does it.
it's late but i will be better at updating. more to come!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
just days to go! and other ramblings
*39 weeks, 5 days*
it is hard to imagine that by this time next week, i WILL be holding my baby girl. it's still so surreal. i feel like it just really set in that i'm pregnant. i'm tired and sore, but i will be a little sad when it's over. i will likely never be pregnant again, and for most people, that might not be saddening, but i guess most people, they can change their mind on that one...
anywho, as of this past monday, i was still at 1-2 cm, 40% effaced (same place i was at the monday before). i have been having contractions on and off for several weeks. they actually started the night before thanksgiving. they weren't painful, just uncomfortable for close to a week. the tuesday after thanksgiving, i was at target and suddenly, omg. i was in such pain, and i thought wow, this might be it! but then they stopped... and then they continued on and off for days. i'd hoped the painful ones meant there would be some cervical change, and we'd be on our way to my desired VBAC, but no dice.
at my appt on monday, the doctor said he wanted to see me back on friday and i asked about what would happen if again there was no change, ie. how quickly could i get in for a c-section? saturday? monday? tuesday, doctor said, but if i wanted, i could just schedule it for friday. he told me to think about it, and call the next day to let them know if i wanted to schedule a c-section.
i was realllly hoping there would have been some progress, and i wouldn't have to make this decision, but after talking to ben, going to acupuncture, and having a moment of clarity, i decided i was going to schedule a c-section for tuesday.
so, i went back for more acupuncture tonight, and tomorrow, i see the OB, where he'll check me and strip my membranes as a last ditch effort for my desired VBAC. if nothing happens this weekend, i'll go back to the OB one last time on monday and c-section will (inevitably) be on tuesday.
if i do wind up having a c-section, so be it. we did what we could to have a vaginal delivery, and i just don't see the point of waiting a few more days to have another baby at 41 weeks by c-section. i'm a little selfish and impatient at this point i guess. i'm tired and sore, and really don't want to have to go back to work next week. and really, as terrified as i am of how hard life as a mommy of two is going to be (at least for a little while), i am aching to see this girl, cradle her little body, touch her little face. i can't wait to take that first look, to match the one of noah that is burned into my memory. i can't wait to share her with the world, but more importantly than anyone in this world, for us to share her with noah. to finally hand deliver the gift that i wanted so desparately for him is the moment that i have looked the most forward to. i cannot wait to see the look on his face and the way he reacts when he finally sees and meets his baby sister, who i know he already loves in a way that i don't think most three year olds would.
my boy is growing up so fast, and it's hard to imagine that in just days we will be a big brother. i know that he will be the best big brother to his baby sister. he will teach her and guide her and lead her through life. not only is she a gift to him, but he will be a gift to her, and i cannot wait to watch them grow up together and explore the world together.
life gets in the way all too often and i forget to take a step back and take it all in. it's usually at night, when i'm watching noah sleep that tears come to my eyes and i'm amazing by what i have created and what i am doing my best to mold on a daily basis. i'm not a perfect parent, and i wish i could be better most days, but it's a hard job, to raise a child. especially one who is so strong and driven and motivated to learn about the world!
it's been a hard couple years though too, between my RA being the worst of my life when noah was young, to going through IVF twice in the last two years, and being pregnant for the past nine months. my hope is that after baby girl is born, i will get healthy and strong and be more physically able to be available so that i am more mentally available to both my babies. i want to do the very best i can, and give my babies the very best, because they deserve nothing less. it might be a challenge, but it's one i want to face head on.
to my baby girl: i love you from the deepest part of my soul, and yet i have never laid my eyes on you. i will forever look at you and noah, and be amazed and awed by my journey to have you. the fact that you were both mere clusters of cells, created in a dish in a lab and carefully placed into my body by a doctor, will never be lost on me, and my gratitude to all the people who played a role in my infertility and IVF expereiences will always be in my heart. i look forward to someday sharing the story of our journey and your conception with you and your brother. i am not ashamed to be infertile, nor will i ever be anything but proud to be an IVF mommy. you and noah are the greatest gifts in my life, and i would go through all of it, to hell and back again, to know that you are my prize in the end. i don't know why the world is how it is, if there's a god or not, or what it all means, but i know that i believe in love and goodness and that my children are the greatest part of me and have made me a far better person than i ever could have dreamed to be. i will keep striving to be better and to do better because you deserve everything good in the world. my baby girl, i am so greatful for you, and i cannot wait to meet you and to watch you grow into an amazing person. i love you with my whole heart, always and forever.
it is hard to imagine that by this time next week, i WILL be holding my baby girl. it's still so surreal. i feel like it just really set in that i'm pregnant. i'm tired and sore, but i will be a little sad when it's over. i will likely never be pregnant again, and for most people, that might not be saddening, but i guess most people, they can change their mind on that one...
anywho, as of this past monday, i was still at 1-2 cm, 40% effaced (same place i was at the monday before). i have been having contractions on and off for several weeks. they actually started the night before thanksgiving. they weren't painful, just uncomfortable for close to a week. the tuesday after thanksgiving, i was at target and suddenly, omg. i was in such pain, and i thought wow, this might be it! but then they stopped... and then they continued on and off for days. i'd hoped the painful ones meant there would be some cervical change, and we'd be on our way to my desired VBAC, but no dice.
at my appt on monday, the doctor said he wanted to see me back on friday and i asked about what would happen if again there was no change, ie. how quickly could i get in for a c-section? saturday? monday? tuesday, doctor said, but if i wanted, i could just schedule it for friday. he told me to think about it, and call the next day to let them know if i wanted to schedule a c-section.
i was realllly hoping there would have been some progress, and i wouldn't have to make this decision, but after talking to ben, going to acupuncture, and having a moment of clarity, i decided i was going to schedule a c-section for tuesday.
so, i went back for more acupuncture tonight, and tomorrow, i see the OB, where he'll check me and strip my membranes as a last ditch effort for my desired VBAC. if nothing happens this weekend, i'll go back to the OB one last time on monday and c-section will (inevitably) be on tuesday.
if i do wind up having a c-section, so be it. we did what we could to have a vaginal delivery, and i just don't see the point of waiting a few more days to have another baby at 41 weeks by c-section. i'm a little selfish and impatient at this point i guess. i'm tired and sore, and really don't want to have to go back to work next week. and really, as terrified as i am of how hard life as a mommy of two is going to be (at least for a little while), i am aching to see this girl, cradle her little body, touch her little face. i can't wait to take that first look, to match the one of noah that is burned into my memory. i can't wait to share her with the world, but more importantly than anyone in this world, for us to share her with noah. to finally hand deliver the gift that i wanted so desparately for him is the moment that i have looked the most forward to. i cannot wait to see the look on his face and the way he reacts when he finally sees and meets his baby sister, who i know he already loves in a way that i don't think most three year olds would.
my boy is growing up so fast, and it's hard to imagine that in just days we will be a big brother. i know that he will be the best big brother to his baby sister. he will teach her and guide her and lead her through life. not only is she a gift to him, but he will be a gift to her, and i cannot wait to watch them grow up together and explore the world together.
life gets in the way all too often and i forget to take a step back and take it all in. it's usually at night, when i'm watching noah sleep that tears come to my eyes and i'm amazing by what i have created and what i am doing my best to mold on a daily basis. i'm not a perfect parent, and i wish i could be better most days, but it's a hard job, to raise a child. especially one who is so strong and driven and motivated to learn about the world!
it's been a hard couple years though too, between my RA being the worst of my life when noah was young, to going through IVF twice in the last two years, and being pregnant for the past nine months. my hope is that after baby girl is born, i will get healthy and strong and be more physically able to be available so that i am more mentally available to both my babies. i want to do the very best i can, and give my babies the very best, because they deserve nothing less. it might be a challenge, but it's one i want to face head on.
to my baby girl: i love you from the deepest part of my soul, and yet i have never laid my eyes on you. i will forever look at you and noah, and be amazed and awed by my journey to have you. the fact that you were both mere clusters of cells, created in a dish in a lab and carefully placed into my body by a doctor, will never be lost on me, and my gratitude to all the people who played a role in my infertility and IVF expereiences will always be in my heart. i look forward to someday sharing the story of our journey and your conception with you and your brother. i am not ashamed to be infertile, nor will i ever be anything but proud to be an IVF mommy. you and noah are the greatest gifts in my life, and i would go through all of it, to hell and back again, to know that you are my prize in the end. i don't know why the world is how it is, if there's a god or not, or what it all means, but i know that i believe in love and goodness and that my children are the greatest part of me and have made me a far better person than i ever could have dreamed to be. i will keep striving to be better and to do better because you deserve everything good in the world. my baby girl, i am so greatful for you, and i cannot wait to meet you and to watch you grow into an amazing person. i love you with my whole heart, always and forever.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
36 weeks
the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter! ultrasound last night confirmed baby girl is head down and raring to go. holy cow, this is going to happen, and it's gonna happen soon! i think i've been have contractions on and off for the past week. she's moving like mad, and pushing down hard on my hooha, and while she's measuring a little small (just under 6lbs or 34ish weeks, per the ultrasound), she's fiesty as hell, and i know we're in for it.
as these final weeks play out, i'm experiencing so many emotions. i have to stop sometimes, and take it all in. the movement, however uncomfortable it is becoming at , noah, and the size of my growing belly... i may never experience these feelings again in my life so i have to remember to enjoy these final moments of pregnancy. on the other hand, i'm ready to be done being pregnant so that we can finally meet this little girl, see her face, and love on her.
the other night, noah was talking to my belly and it made me cry. he said "i love you baby. i love you baby sister. you're so precious." he is so in love with the idea of her. i don't know if he fully understands the reality of how life is going to change, but he loves babies and is so sweet with them.
i am almost more emotional thinking about him meeting her than US meeting her. i think part of it is because it will be seeing our family finally become whole, but also because of the lengths we went to with the intent of making noah a big brother. i wanted a baby for myself, true, but moreso, i wanted noah to have a sibling and if this IVF cycle wouldn't have worked, we wouldn't have stopped there. it might have cost us tens of thousands of dollars, but we would have found a way to give noah a sibling.
not a day goes by that i'm not amazed by and grateful for the life growing inside me. i will always be a proud IVF mama, and i'm so grateful to the doctors who worked their magic and for the infertility community who have been my support system for the past five years.
as it comes quickly to it's end, i'll never forget the journey i've been on. it has been the hardest and best of my life. parenting is more challenging and stressful than i ever imagined, but the joy of my amazing noah is more rewarding than words can describe. and baby girl. my beautiful princess, who is destined to be a tomboy, simply because i'm desparate for her to wear dresses and be a girly girl! i am so in love with the idea of her, and i know the moment i lay eyes on her, my life will be forever changed. little girl, i adore you. i think you know that already. :)
as these final weeks play out, i'm experiencing so many emotions. i have to stop sometimes, and take it all in. the movement, however uncomfortable it is becoming at , noah, and the size of my growing belly... i may never experience these feelings again in my life so i have to remember to enjoy these final moments of pregnancy. on the other hand, i'm ready to be done being pregnant so that we can finally meet this little girl, see her face, and love on her.
the other night, noah was talking to my belly and it made me cry. he said "i love you baby. i love you baby sister. you're so precious." he is so in love with the idea of her. i don't know if he fully understands the reality of how life is going to change, but he loves babies and is so sweet with them.
i am almost more emotional thinking about him meeting her than US meeting her. i think part of it is because it will be seeing our family finally become whole, but also because of the lengths we went to with the intent of making noah a big brother. i wanted a baby for myself, true, but moreso, i wanted noah to have a sibling and if this IVF cycle wouldn't have worked, we wouldn't have stopped there. it might have cost us tens of thousands of dollars, but we would have found a way to give noah a sibling.
not a day goes by that i'm not amazed by and grateful for the life growing inside me. i will always be a proud IVF mama, and i'm so grateful to the doctors who worked their magic and for the infertility community who have been my support system for the past five years.
as it comes quickly to it's end, i'll never forget the journey i've been on. it has been the hardest and best of my life. parenting is more challenging and stressful than i ever imagined, but the joy of my amazing noah is more rewarding than words can describe. and baby girl. my beautiful princess, who is destined to be a tomboy, simply because i'm desparate for her to wear dresses and be a girly girl! i am so in love with the idea of her, and i know the moment i lay eyes on her, my life will be forever changed. little girl, i adore you. i think you know that already. :)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
33 and a half
sitting here, finally catching up on the blog, whilst my baby girl shoves her head into my cervix and pummel kicks her feet into my SOMETHING. my liver maybe? she moves a lot more, or at least very differently from noah. and i'm up another pound, for a grand total of 10 pounds. started around 155, and as of yesterday, weighed in at 165. i've still only gained two pounds since august 1st, which i realllllly shouldn't complain about. i just get nervous that i'm not getting baby girl enough nutrition, and i would never forgive myself if i somehow did something "wrong" while pregnant.
anywho - the past few weeks have been busy, but thankfully the business is winding down in the weeks leading up to baby girl's due date.
a few weekends ago, ben, noah & i got up at the crack of dawn (literally - it was the first time noah'd ever seen the sunrise) to take the el from oak park to the city to watch uncle scott run the chicago marathon. ben mapped out the route, and we had a daunting plan for the day, but man, am i glad we did it!! we hit four spots on the route - miles 3, 12, 21, and 24 (ish) - and it wasn't nearly as challenging on me physically as i'd expected. i was surprised however by how overwhelming, awe inspiring, and emotional it was. i was just amazed by the ability of these 40,000 odd people to run 26.2 miles! and everytime we saw scott and brian, we were all so full of pride and awe. it was very cool.
the next weekend was my sweet boy's third birthday. when the hell did THAT happen?! noah is three!! we had the loveliest weekend. ben took saturday off work, and we spent the morning at klein creek farm enjoying a perfect fall day, and fortunately, getting some really great family pics by grandpa. noah was showered with gifts all day and the three of us had dinner at 2 toots cafe in glen ellyn, per noah's request. sunday was the family party, and noah had so much fun eating cupcakes and destroying the basement with his cousins. i swear, every toy we own was scattered across my family room by the end of the party. ah, life. :)
over the past week, we've been very focusedd on getting noah's big boy room ready. we are so close, and he WILL be in there by the end of the month. the decor may not be 100% done, but he will sleep in his new bed and i will starting getting his clothes, toys, etc, organized in that room. once he's settled, i can focus on readying the nursery for baby girl.
speaking of, she is still sans name. not for nothing, but we haven't really talked about it. we haven't talked about a lot lately. i'm also nagging or overly critical, so conversations have been limited. sigh. anyway- that was just a sidebar.
i have a list of about a million things to do, and i know there are things missing from the list. i hate that i feel so unprepared for this baby, because she's coming - ready or not - in no more than 6.5 weeks. oh. shit.
anywho - the past few weeks have been busy, but thankfully the business is winding down in the weeks leading up to baby girl's due date.
a few weekends ago, ben, noah & i got up at the crack of dawn (literally - it was the first time noah'd ever seen the sunrise) to take the el from oak park to the city to watch uncle scott run the chicago marathon. ben mapped out the route, and we had a daunting plan for the day, but man, am i glad we did it!! we hit four spots on the route - miles 3, 12, 21, and 24 (ish) - and it wasn't nearly as challenging on me physically as i'd expected. i was surprised however by how overwhelming, awe inspiring, and emotional it was. i was just amazed by the ability of these 40,000 odd people to run 26.2 miles! and everytime we saw scott and brian, we were all so full of pride and awe. it was very cool.
the next weekend was my sweet boy's third birthday. when the hell did THAT happen?! noah is three!! we had the loveliest weekend. ben took saturday off work, and we spent the morning at klein creek farm enjoying a perfect fall day, and fortunately, getting some really great family pics by grandpa. noah was showered with gifts all day and the three of us had dinner at 2 toots cafe in glen ellyn, per noah's request. sunday was the family party, and noah had so much fun eating cupcakes and destroying the basement with his cousins. i swear, every toy we own was scattered across my family room by the end of the party. ah, life. :)
over the past week, we've been very focusedd on getting noah's big boy room ready. we are so close, and he WILL be in there by the end of the month. the decor may not be 100% done, but he will sleep in his new bed and i will starting getting his clothes, toys, etc, organized in that room. once he's settled, i can focus on readying the nursery for baby girl.
speaking of, she is still sans name. not for nothing, but we haven't really talked about it. we haven't talked about a lot lately. i'm also nagging or overly critical, so conversations have been limited. sigh. anyway- that was just a sidebar.
i have a list of about a million things to do, and i know there are things missing from the list. i hate that i feel so unprepared for this baby, because she's coming - ready or not - in no more than 6.5 weeks. oh. shit.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
31 weeks
as i sit here watching my sweet boy avoid sleep on our new (and totally rad) video monitor, i feel like i need to blog for my little girl. i've been a bad, bad blogger, and part of it has been lack of inspiration to write and part of it has been sheer exhaustion. being pregnant with a toddler is harder than i imagined it would be, and there are so many other things to do that blogging has taken a permanent back seat. for that i feel guilty. :/
i'm not good at noah's baby book. i'm not a scrapbooker. i'm not good at journaling (and clearly not at blogging). and i have a horrendous memory, so i fear that by not putting my thoughts and memories in writing, they will be lost. i was trying to remember when noah started crawling the other day, and unless it's somewhere in here, i fear i'll never know... but alas, this is life. life is hectic, and i have a moment before i'll go get the tired boy who it does not appear will nap today....
***
my little girl baby will be here in no more than nine weeks from today (since i've told the OB i have no desire to go passed my due date, and this outweighs my desire to have a VBAC). we are far less prepared for a baby at this point than we were at this point with noah. i suppose we are prepared in that we have something of an expectation for what it will be like to have a newborn, but in the coming weeks we have noah's 3rd birthday and his birthday party next weekend, a baby celebration the first weekend in november, and the goal between now and then of moving noah into his big boy room. the room is still very cluttered, but mostly our junk is boxed and needs to be removed from the room, his furniture put together, and his things moved in. i told ben that for my sanity, this needs to be done by the end of october. i need the baby's room ready shortly after the baby party so that i will feel "ready" for her arrival.
and then there's the name thing. ben and i discussed boy names days before noah was born, and agreed upon noah once we found out i was having a c-section. there is a name that is sticking out to me, and a middle name i might need to sell ben on, but it almost feels funny that i already have a possible name in my head. we didn't know noah as noah until a mere hour before his birth. i guess i hesitate with choosing a name just yet because, despite seeing her face on ultrasound and feeling her have hiccups and do calisthenics in my belly every waking moment, it strangely still doesn't feel real.
i am so in love with this baby. i feel like life has gotten in the way of my ability (or energy) to properly express this. i think constantly of what she'll look like, what her personality will be, what her favorite toys and shows will be. it occurred to me the other day that, while my first meeting with my daughter will be full of emotion and pride, i am almost more looking forward to seeing noah after she is born, and having them meet for the first time. i guarantee, there will be some ugly cry pictures in that bunch...
i am so proud of the journey that we had to take to conceive our children. i didn't choose the path we took, but it has made me the mom that i am. i am so grateful for my two precious miracles, and i try to remember every day not to take them for granted. i am trying (despite pain and exhaustion) to remember to savor my pregnancy, as it will almost certainly be my last.
i will be sad when i am no longer pregnant. it is something people who don't have fertility challenges certainly take for granted. when i wasn't pregnant with noah, i hated all pregnant people, but once i was pregnant with him, i thought about the infertiles who saw and hated me. i realized you can't judge because you don't know. before i was pregnant with sissy (noah's nickname for baby girl), i was jealous when those who had kids around the time i had noah were getting pregnant again. and even since i've been pregnant with sissy and fertiles have announced their pregnancies, or thoughts of future babies, i get jealous. why? because i know they decided to have a baby and got pregnant, or can think about having three or four or ten kids, and will. i wonder if this part of infertility ever goes away?
i just know that in my heart i wanted these babies more than anything in life, and no one can take them away from me. i know that i wanted noah to have a sibling so that he would always have someone to share his life with, even when i'm gone. it would have crushed me if i couldn't have given that to him. we think he understand the idea of the baby growing in mommy's tummy and that it is his sister and it will come out soon to live with us.
i am nervous to be the mom of a little girl. i've got the boy thing down pat. i know the names of the Cars characters, the types of train cars and construction vehices. i've got the dirt-under-the-fingernails-cleaning and building-downtown-wheaton-out-of-blocks down pat. but despite BEING a girl, the pigtail, princess, dress thing is kind of intimidating.
i am ready though. our 3d ultrasound showed us the most beautiful little girl, with big eyes and round cheeks, just like her big brother. and she's a fiesty one, no doubt, with all she's put me through with this pregnancy and all her moving and shaking. she will keep us on our toes. i love her so much. it's unreal how a mother can love her unborn child. pregnancy will never cease to amaze me. the fact that my babies were put into me as clusters of cells and developed into little people inside of me... holy crap that's cool.
i'm not good at noah's baby book. i'm not a scrapbooker. i'm not good at journaling (and clearly not at blogging). and i have a horrendous memory, so i fear that by not putting my thoughts and memories in writing, they will be lost. i was trying to remember when noah started crawling the other day, and unless it's somewhere in here, i fear i'll never know...
***
my little girl baby will be here in no more than nine weeks from today (since i've told the OB i have no desire to go passed my due date, and this outweighs my desire to have a VBAC). we are far less prepared for a baby at this point than we were at this point with noah. i suppose we are prepared in that we have something of an expectation for what it will be like to have a newborn, but in the coming weeks we have noah's 3rd birthday and his birthday party next weekend, a baby celebration the first weekend in november, and the goal between now and then of moving noah into his big boy room. the room is still very cluttered, but mostly our junk is boxed and needs to be removed from the room, his furniture put together, and his things moved in. i told ben that for my sanity, this needs to be done by the end of october. i need the baby's room ready shortly after the baby party so that i will feel "ready" for her arrival.
and then there's the name thing. ben and i discussed boy names days before noah was born, and agreed upon noah once we found out i was having a c-section. there is a name that is sticking out to me, and a middle name i might need to sell ben on, but it almost feels funny that i already have a possible name in my head. we didn't know noah as noah until a mere hour before his birth. i guess i hesitate with choosing a name just yet because, despite seeing her face on ultrasound and feeling her have hiccups and do calisthenics in my belly every waking moment, it strangely still doesn't feel real.
i am so in love with this baby. i feel like life has gotten in the way of my ability (or energy) to properly express this. i think constantly of what she'll look like, what her personality will be, what her favorite toys and shows will be. it occurred to me the other day that, while my first meeting with my daughter will be full of emotion and pride, i am almost more looking forward to seeing noah after she is born, and having them meet for the first time. i guarantee, there will be some ugly cry pictures in that bunch...
i am so proud of the journey that we had to take to conceive our children. i didn't choose the path we took, but it has made me the mom that i am. i am so grateful for my two precious miracles, and i try to remember every day not to take them for granted. i am trying (despite pain and exhaustion) to remember to savor my pregnancy, as it will almost certainly be my last.
i will be sad when i am no longer pregnant. it is something people who don't have fertility challenges certainly take for granted. when i wasn't pregnant with noah, i hated all pregnant people, but once i was pregnant with him, i thought about the infertiles who saw and hated me. i realized you can't judge because you don't know. before i was pregnant with sissy (noah's nickname for baby girl), i was jealous when those who had kids around the time i had noah were getting pregnant again. and even since i've been pregnant with sissy and fertiles have announced their pregnancies, or thoughts of future babies, i get jealous. why? because i know they decided to have a baby and got pregnant, or can think about having three or four or ten kids, and will. i wonder if this part of infertility ever goes away?
i just know that in my heart i wanted these babies more than anything in life, and no one can take them away from me. i know that i wanted noah to have a sibling so that he would always have someone to share his life with, even when i'm gone. it would have crushed me if i couldn't have given that to him. we think he understand the idea of the baby growing in mommy's tummy and that it is his sister and it will come out soon to live with us.
i am nervous to be the mom of a little girl. i've got the boy thing down pat. i know the names of the Cars characters, the types of train cars and construction vehices. i've got the dirt-under-the-fingernails-cleaning and building-downtown-wheaton-out-of-blocks down pat. but despite BEING a girl, the pigtail, princess, dress thing is kind of intimidating.
i am ready though. our 3d ultrasound showed us the most beautiful little girl, with big eyes and round cheeks, just like her big brother. and she's a fiesty one, no doubt, with all she's put me through with this pregnancy and all her moving and shaking. she will keep us on our toes. i love her so much. it's unreal how a mother can love her unborn child. pregnancy will never cease to amaze me. the fact that my babies were put into me as clusters of cells and developed into little people inside of me... holy crap that's cool.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
...and the other invite.
Piece of Cake Birthday
Create funny birthday invitations at Shutterfly.com.
View the entire collection of cards.
again, $10 off from shutterfly.com just for posting! woohoo!
one of noah's birthday invites....
Truckload Of Fun Birthday Invitation
Shop for special Birthday wishes at Shutterfly.com.
View the entire collection of cards.
posting to get a $10 credit on shutterfly.com, where i just ordered this invite for noah's kids party and another for noah's family party. :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
the latest
*21 + 3*
so daily blogging in july was a failure. all i can say is i'll try stay consistent at least!
so what's the latest news with us:
over the weekend, noah FINALLY started jumping. not a huge deal to most parents, but he should've been able to jump ages ago. he's been getting physical therapy 2x/mo for his strength and coordination, and the thing that made me get the eval in the first place was that he wasn't jumping. so understandably, a big deal.
he's also been using some funny words and phrases lately. that's a bummer, wait, accident, problem, just a minute, i mean. the other night i was talking to him about his behavior and at the end of my spiel, he said "do you understand me?". i think he meant he understood, but it was pretty funny.
on saturday, noah and i went with the bergers to silver beach in st. joseph, mi, and noah had the time of his life!! he did awesome and LOVED his tube. we leave in a few days for piatt lake, and i have a good feeling that noah is going to be a fish all week!
yesterday and today, the roofers were here. they showed up unexpectedly yesterday morning- we weren't expecting them til saturday! but it wound up being a 2-day project, so i'm so glad they were able to come early, and now our roof is done!! it looks SOOOOO much better.
baby k has been moving like crazy ever since my ultrasound. i forgot how much i love that feeling!! this pregnancy is going well, but it is getting more and more different from with noah. i have major sciatic nerve pain by the end of the day every day, and while i was constipated with noah, this time i am having major cramps and it sucks.
other than that, t-minus four days til i'm done with work and vacation starts! we leave in five days for the lake!
so daily blogging in july was a failure. all i can say is i'll try stay consistent at least!
so what's the latest news with us:
over the weekend, noah FINALLY started jumping. not a huge deal to most parents, but he should've been able to jump ages ago. he's been getting physical therapy 2x/mo for his strength and coordination, and the thing that made me get the eval in the first place was that he wasn't jumping. so understandably, a big deal.
he's also been using some funny words and phrases lately. that's a bummer, wait, accident, problem, just a minute, i mean. the other night i was talking to him about his behavior and at the end of my spiel, he said "do you understand me?". i think he meant he understood, but it was pretty funny.
on saturday, noah and i went with the bergers to silver beach in st. joseph, mi, and noah had the time of his life!! he did awesome and LOVED his tube. we leave in a few days for piatt lake, and i have a good feeling that noah is going to be a fish all week!
yesterday and today, the roofers were here. they showed up unexpectedly yesterday morning- we weren't expecting them til saturday! but it wound up being a 2-day project, so i'm so glad they were able to come early, and now our roof is done!! it looks SOOOOO much better.
baby k has been moving like crazy ever since my ultrasound. i forgot how much i love that feeling!! this pregnancy is going well, but it is getting more and more different from with noah. i have major sciatic nerve pain by the end of the day every day, and while i was constipated with noah, this time i am having major cramps and it sucks.
other than that, t-minus four days til i'm done with work and vacation starts! we leave in five days for the lake!
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