Wednesday, January 19, 2011

PPT needed...

long story short - my friend who lost her IVF twins in april at 23 weeks is now 20 weeks with pregnancy #2. they have been monitoring her weekly to keep a close eye on any cervical changes, but today she went for her routine check and they admitted her because she's starting to dialate. what.the.eff. they did an emergency cerclage at 8pm tonight, and she was told she'll be on bedrest for at least two weeks, and at most the duration of her pregnancy.

i have feeling so helpless and wish i could do something to comfort her, but the timing of this is so cruel. she was admitted at 20 weeks with her twin pregnancy because she was in preterm labor, both dialating and effacing. they held off on the cerclage for a week or so, before doing it at .5cm as a last ditch to save the pregnancy. she's still at like 3.9cm so all i can do is hope it does the trick and the benefits outweigh the risks this time around.

i just feel so bad - my heart aches for her! i can't explain how hard this pregnancy has been. she hasn't been able to enjoy being pregnant because she lives with the fear of the not so distant memories. we keep telling her, get to 20, 23, 24 weeks, and hopefully then you'll have some peace and be able to enjoy being pregnant. a preemie? it would be hard, but that she can handle - we work in EI for chr*st sake - resources are at our fingertips. but oh, to lose another child. i can't even let myself go there. i don't want my mind to go there, but i cannot stop my mind from running laps...

just needed to release that. maybe i'll go to bed and wake up and it will all have been a bad dream.... but just in case, please send stacy & doug and that sweet baby, who is wanted in this world more than the universe knows, all the prayers and positive thoughts you can spare.

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