Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The night before preschool

Dear Noah,

Tomorrow marks the official beginning of your educational career.  I have such mixed emotions.  I am so proud of you and the boy you are becoming.  So witty and funny and smart and loving.  Everyday you do something or say something or come up with some creative idea or story that blows my mind.  I look at you and I am absolutely amazed at how remarkable you are and feel so lucky that you are MY son.

I am also feeling a little bit sad.  My baby, my first born, my first little miracle is growing up.  You will be four in a few months- a few weeks really - and yet, it still feels like just yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time. 

I hope someday when you are older, and you read these silly blog posts of mom's, that you can understand my emotions and truly feel my love and adoration for you (and your sister).  Someday, you will have children of your own and I know you will feel the same way I do.

But until then, I want you to know how proud of I am of you, and how proud I am to be your mommy.  There are times that I get angry and frustrated with you, and I sometimes forget to take a step back, breathe, and remember that you are just a three year old.  I love that I have taught you to "take a deep breath", and that you will remind me to do the same.

Tomorrow, nothing changes and everything changes.  For you, it will be a fun experience, of playing with friends, going to the gym, finding a new book in the library.  It will be a place to expand your knowledge of so many things (though I know you will blow them away with how smart you already are, since you already know all your letters and numbers and can even read when you're in the mood).  It will be a place to meet new people and learn that even though some people might be a little bit different, deep down, we are all the same.  At the same time, I feel like this is a whole new world for us.  Preschool is school.  This is the plan for the next 15 years, and then it's off to college.  I worry that maybe I'm pushing you too much.  After all, this is really your THIRD year in a preschool type program (the last two being a loosely structured, two day per week parents morning out program). 

But I know you can handle it, and not just that, you will thrive.  You will grow socially and emotionally, as well as intellectually.  I can't wait to hear about everything you do on every day.  I will hang on every word, and try to remember that this time of our lives only happens once.  I have a hard time with that, and then I feel sad when I forgot to embrace that way of thinking.  I know this is the "last time" my first born will have his first day of preschool, and I don't want to let anything distract me from this experience.  I want to remember it the way I remember the first time I saw you and the first time I held you in the recovery room.  I want to remember it like your first steps and cuddling with you in that big uncomfortable chair we had in your nursery, where I rocked you to sleep for so many nights.

Noah Taylor, I love you and I am so proud of you.  You and Emily are my heart, and I know that you will both be whatever you want to be and do whatever you want to do.  My wish for you both is just that.  To succeed in whatever it is you aim to achieve, and to have health and happiness every step of the way.

I love you with my whole heart, Boo Boo.  You are my best boy.

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