i think of where we've come from in the last 14 (yes, fourteen) years that we've been together, and the mostly ups and some downs, and while the downs have been painful and heartwrenching, the ups are worth it all.
i look at noah and am amazed every single day, with everything he does and every word he says. we worked so hard for him, and wanted him so badly, that i think it makes every small thing that much greater.
a friend of mine who was about to head down the road of IF treatment, diagnosis in hand, called me a few weeks back and said "it's a faint line, but i think i'm pregnant". i burst into tears! she wanted it so bad, and ached for that baby too, and i hope hope hope everything turns out perfectly, because i'm so greatful she didn't have to make the long journey.
but i read stories, and blogs, and know people who are still aching for a baby. i hear their stories, and i feel their stories. i remember hating holidays and announcements of "oops" babies. i remember hating every pregnant woman or woman with a newborn that i saw - for all i know, they had taken the same journey, but i hated them nonetheless for achieving the ultimate goal.
i want another baby of my own. i want to experience it all again with the experience of having done it this time. maybe a VBAC? and what kind of older brother will noah be? but i have moments of being okay with this life as it is now, because i'm greatful for what i have. for noah and for ben. for my family and friends, house, cars, job, things... the ability to live a comfortable suburban life. i don't think it's wrong for me to want more, but for now (for today) i'm okay and so happy.
other than that, some real, concrete info. no more mommy musings....
noah's been getting speech therapy since early june (i think). he's not a big talker, but understands everything we say and ask of him. his vocabulary is booming though - mama, dada, juice, ball, moon, jeep, no, door, dirt, go, yeah, uh oh, oh no, shh - sounds: woof woof, meow, moo, baa, elephant sound, horse sound, firetruck/ambulance, helicopter, toot toot (train) - i'm sure there are more, but those are the most common at this point.
i got my wallet and GPS stolen out of my car (doors locked, but windows cracked) at freaking Cosley Zoo in wheaton about two weeks ago. who does that?? well, some skinny white kid who went to the Northlake walmart and bought a fricking Wii on my dime, that's who. twist of the knife, with the Wii, by the way, since ben would love to have one...
happy 4th of july weekend - hope everyone's having a great summer!!