Sunday, October 18, 2009

i am the mommy of a one year old!!

it seems kind of cliched to say the year went by so fast. everybody seems to say that when their little one turns the big numero uno!

some days it feels like noah's been a part of our family forever, and it's hard to remember life before baby. but truthfully, this year has gone by so quickly. it's been a busy year, for sure, but it's been the most amazing ride.

i've learned so much about what i'm capable of. i've learned what it feels like to be so proud that it feels as though your heart might burst our of your chest. i've also learned the pain of a mother's guilt and how easy self-blame can be.

ultimately, i've learned that being a parent is a lot of work. i can hear all of my fellow parents saying "duh", and my friend's who are not yet parents echoing "duh", but not fully grasping the gravity...

there is something truthfully indescribably about knowing the everything you do - every action, every word, every single thing - is likely shaping your child into the person he will become. that's a freaking amazing and incredible thing. it also scares the shit out of me.

my life has changed in the most amazing ways over the last few years. i went through two years of utter hell, and i wish that no one ever had to endure the kind of emotional and mental anguish that infertility causes. but like i told a dear friend who recently underwent her 4th IVF cycle: i would do it all again in a heartbeat if i knew that out the pain would come the most amazing being that i could have ever wished for. i waited two long, horrible years, but the end result was my precious boy, and if i had to go back, i wouldn't change a thing because now i'm noah's mommy, and for that i will be forever grateful.

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