More Sh*t my kid says

Watching the Bulls game: That's me! That's me when I was in the Bulls game! (In reference to his fave player, Joakim Noah.) - I bust up laughing and poor Emily who's nursing and half asleep, starts wailing like I just stabbed her in the eye.

Fighting about eating his dinner: I want baby Emily to feed me.

Yelling at him about not playing with the door at the top if the basement stairs (for the hundredth time this week): Settle down mommy.

Sh*t my kid says

Noah says the greatest things and in the moment, they are hysterical and I tell myself I need to remember that and write it down but I never do. Until now. I'm a shitty Blogger but maybe if I make an effort to write down what Noah says, I'll be more inclined to write about other things too. So here goes my first attempt...

To Emily for no reason: I like your arms. (Usually it's something logical like I like your shirt or your eyes...)

To me while driving down the road: I like your Altima. (As in, Nissan...)

Friday photo dump

New phone equals new abilities! I'll post more soon but for now, some photos!

Emily's Birth Announcement

First Words Pink Birth Announcement

To see Shutterfly's birth announcement designs, click here.

View the entire collection of cards.

randoms

still need to finish the damn birth story. i don't know why it's so daunting. perhaps it's because in the moments of "down time" i do laundry, or shower, or go on facebook or pinterest instead... yes. i've become addicted to pinterest, and hope to attempt my first craft project tomorrow.

anyways, just some random thoughts.

the first few weeks with em were especially stressful for me. new baby and lack of sleep aside, not to mention adjusting to life with a energetic three year old plus a needy baby, the holidays (christmas and new years) were just not fun. i did the very best i could, but i apologize for being crabby and just plain bitchy. i had a hard time getting in the christmas spirit, but at the 11th hour, i was able to get it together, get gifts wrapped, and get excited about watching noah's joy when he saw that, yes, santa did come and DID bring him the "big truck" he asked for. (a bruder brand snow plow.) while the noise and number of people overwhelmed and stressed me out, i survived and told myself that next christmas will be fun and i'll be in the spirit 100%.

noah says and does the funniest things. lately, he's been using words that i just don't know where they come from. tonight he said "grandpa, where are you headed to?" what three year old says that? he's lately been telling me that he likes my socks. granted, they're socks i got for christmas, so they're colorful and festive compared to my normal boring, white ones. the way he talks to emily though is the best. his voice goes up an octave when he says "hi baby sister emily". it's never just "emily". it's "baby", "baby sister", or "baby sister emily". it's funny too when he tells people "that's emily", very matter of factly.

emily was 7 weeks yesterday, and the smiles keep getting bigger. i need to try again to get them on camera. i got one half smile on my phone last week, but everytime i try to snap a pic, either with my phone or camera, she stops smiling. i think the camera is distracting or confusing to her. but man, when she smiles, the room lights up. her eyes always smile first, and both her eyes and mouth get so big. her little noises are great too. they're goos and gurgles, and i really think she wants to laugh.

last night was a great sleep night. six hours straight. of course that was coming off the night before when she didn't fall asleep til about 1:30, was up again at 3:30 and 5:00, and then was up most of the day. the 5+ hr stretches are more the norm.

as for nursing, she's still doing great in terms of eating and growing, but it's driving me nuts that there's not a lot of consistency. i wish she would get on an eating schedule, but sometimes she'll go 3 hours between feedings and sometimes it's non-stop (well, every hour, hour and a half). yesterday i wondered if she was having another growth spurt. sometimes i give her the boob just to calm her down and help her fall asleep. honestly, i can't complain. there's not a lot that i got to do the "normal" way - conception, no. vaginal delivery, no. nursing noah, no. so nursing emily is really special, as exhausting as it can be and as sore as my nips are by days end. (sorry TMI)

speaking of... it's about that time again! :)

early milestones

my girl is amazing. and beautiful. though i wonder, everyone says she looks just like me, so is it vane of me to say that she is beautiful? if it is, i don't care. :) she looks like emily to me, just the way noah looks like noah. i see the similar features between the two of them, and features that resemble ben or i, but when i look at them, i just see my beautiful babies.

emily was six weeks old this week, and right at the six week mark, she started giving me big cheesy smiles. of course, they're still somewhat inconsistent. she has to be alert, content, and willing. i usually have to open my eyes really wide and raise the pitch of my voice, and with a little prompting, she'll get wide eyed, smiley eyes, start poking her tongue out of her mouth, and ultimately give a wide, open mouthed grin. i've yet to catch the toothless grin on camera, but ben and i know these are no longer gas smiles.

this week was also big because emily started consistently "sleeping through the night". i put that in quotes because sleeping through the night at this stage is pretty subjective. she is started to get on a more regular sleep schedule where she wakes around 7 or 8, eats, "naps" for an hour or two, eats, is up for awhile, naps mid-day (2ish), is up for awhile, naps early pm (6ish), and then falls asleep around 10pm, but wakes to eat around midnight. now there are good nights and bad nights. the good nights, she eats once at 12 or 1 and sleeps til 6 or 7. the bad nights, she wants to eat like 3 times around 12, 1, 2 ish and might sleep til 5 or 6. still, not bad.

we also booked our trip this week to the west coast! emily's first airplane trip will be to southern california in just under two weeks! we fly february 11th to california where we'll spend a few days with ben's sister sarah, before driving to phoenix to spend a few days with my college roommate, amanda, who just had her second baby, a little boy named jett, two weeks ago!

another big milestone is that noah is practically potty trained! it's been probably three weeks now since i decided one saturday that noah was going to wear underpants and pee on the potty. now, we've had several false starts on this. noah's been sitting on the potty for a looooong time. he's been pooping on the toilet every night for ages, but to get him to acknowlege when he has to pee and actually sit on the potty was another story. we tried underpants when we were on vacation at piatt lake this summer, but stopped for fear of giving noah a complex, since he would scream everytime we tried to put him on the toilet. we tried again around thanksgiving, but he didn't care that his undies would get wet when he peed. finally, we decided to try pull ups. that last a few days before i basically became frustrated that they were just expensive diapers since noah didn't care that he was wet, and developed a rash from wearing them for a few days.

the first day in undies, i bribed noah. i gave him choices of snacks, chocolate or candy corn. he chose candy corn. i told him he could have one candy corn for sitting on the potty and trying to go, or two if he actually went potty. bribery is an amazing thing! there were a few minor accidents in the first couple days and fewer big accidents, and the big accidents weren't even that big. whenever he would have an accident, we'd rush him to the potty. he probably got sick of it, but part of our routine became - "noah, remember to tell mommy when you have to go potty. do you have to go potty? what are you going to say when you have to go potty? always tell someone when you have to go potty."

we're at a point now where noah wears undies 100% of the time he's awake. we've never had a major mess outside of the house, and this past monday, even went to the museum of science and industry with no issues. though, on the drive home, noah was acting like he had to go, saying he was uncomfortable and his butt hurt (??) so we stopped at a burger king to use the bathroom. it was a false alarm. he still wears pull ups at nap and bedtime, but in the last day or two, he's woken up almost completely dry. he knows wearing undies is a big deal, and we praise him big time every time he goes and every time he remembers to tell us without being prompted.

still need to finish up the birth/hospital story, but trying to enjoy each moment with my little one. the weeks are flying by. i can hardly believe it's almost february and my maternity leave ends in five weeks.

six weeks into the life of emily

first things first. emily is six weeks old today. :)

anyway - it has been a loooooong time, and i do apologize. i started writing emily's birth story and it has turned into her birth story slash the story of our hospital stay. needless to say, it's not done, though i need to finish it soon before all the details leave my brain forever.

but i decided i needed to start up blogging again and not wait to finish the birth story because the weeks are slipping by, and my memory again is making me angry. i am so sad that i have SUCH a bad memory. last night laying in bed, i got a little teary thinking about how much emily has already changed - 6lb 7oz at birth, up to 10lb 1oz as of today, receding hairline (the hair on top is gone, but in the back is going strong), her cheeks are probably four times the size they were at birth (though her chicken legs are still chicken-y)...

anyway, the early weeks were as one would expect. ben was home through the 27th. noah was a immediately smitten and was so sweet and gentle with emily from day one. he had a minor regressing right around the four week mark, but remarkably a week or so later, i successfully potty trained noah. (more on that later.) the holidays were rough. too much, too soon. i was still physically recovering from my c-section and emotionally dealing with all the changes in my life, my lack of sleep, and raw nipples. (sorry TMI)

the hardest thing early on was nursing. i recalled that with noah, he was lazy and never nursed well, but as things progressed with emily, i remembered that i ultimately stopped with noah because of the painful effects of an apparently poor latch. from probably week two to week four with emily, i questioned my ability to nurse her long term. i had to take a break on one side around christmas and pump it for a few days because it was so sore and in such bad shape. and then came the growth spurts. there have been days and weeks that i've felt like all she does round the clock is nurse.

in the last couple days, she seems to be developing more of a schedule. she's sleeping up to five hour stretches at night and has been for several days. she's awake for longer stretches during the day, and seems to have a good 2-3 "naps" throughout the day. there have been glimspes here and there of a questionable smile, but today, despite her being especially pitiful because of having gotten her shots, i'm pretty sure she and i exchanged some real deal cheesers, with wide eyes and gurgly "goo"s thrown in.

all in all, she's a pretty easy kid. laid back and calm. only crying and fussing when she's poopy or hungry. or bored. i think sometimes she just wants to be held and talked to. there have been a handful of times that she has been inconsolable. we briefly had her on Axid as the ped suspected reflux. we also briefly gave her gas drops. now, the gas is still sometimes an issue. i really think she sometimes does have tummy discomfort, but i feel pretty confident it's not reflux. our biggest "issue" is that she often chokes when she's nursing, presumably due to difficulty dealing with my "let down". hoping she'll learn to deal with it soon, because it sounds horrible when she does it.

it's late but i will be better at updating. more to come!

Birth story - part one

After starting this post, and then failing to finish, I'm going to post it in increments. Here's the first part of Emily's birth story:

We went to the hospital around 6:30 that morning. The sun wasn't even up yet. We checked in at labor and delivery, and I was taken to my room and immediately asked to change into my gown. The nurse, Amanda, was lovely. Young and fresh faced, and clearly loved her job. Another nurse, who thought her sh*t didn't stink, was around too, but I didn't care to get her name. It took three people and three sticks to get my IV in (ugh), but shortly after it was finally in, my OB stopped in, answered a few questions, and was called into surgery, assuring me that we were right on schedule. The nurses asked a battery of questions while I was being prepped, and I was happy to be asked if I was planning on breastfeeding (yes), if I was open to bottle/formula supplementation (no), if I was open to pacifier use (no)... When Noah was born, a nurse popped a bottle of formula in his mouth either the first night or next morning, and as a new mom, didn't know that I could say no or just didn't have the energy or wherewithall to say no, and was adamant that I wanted things to be different this time.

My surgery was scheduled for 9:15, and it probably wasn't too much later that they walked me to the OR. It was a different experience this time. Going in of my own devices, mentally alert and aware of what was about to happen. Looking back, I'm not sure I even hugged Ben or said anything to him before walking down the hall. It was about at this point that the nerves and emotions set in.

The OR was bright and cold. They always area. I sat on the table and the anesthesiologist prepared me for the "bee sting" that would proceed the actual procedure to place the spinal. As he started, I completely lost it. My emotions took over, and reality hit me. It finally hit me that I was about to deliver my baby girl and meet my miracle daughter for the first time. The young nurse, Amanda, was amazing. Last time, I got my epidural in my L&D room, leaning on Ben while the anesthesiologist did his thing. This time, I was alone, but Amanda made sure that I didn't feel so much so. She grasped both my hands while I literally cried on her shoulder. She was so lovely.

The spinal was a different experience from an epidural. It took effect very quickly, and by the time they were laying me down and positioning my legs, I was feeling very tingly, and I remember it being a very gross sensation. The anesthesiologist warned me that the spinal would effect me all the way up to my chest, and that I may feel at times like I was having difficulty breathing. This sensation did occur a few times during surgery, but the doctor assured me my breathing was fine and reminded me to take a few deep breaths.

Surgery itself was fine, and seemed quicker than my c-section with Noah. I think a lot of it had to do with my being mentally and emotionally prepared for the c-section, being significantly more coherent having not gone through induction and several hours of labor, and also not needing other drugs during the surgery. With Noah I think I got some narcotics because I had the shakes so bad and was really feeling weird during surgery. This time, the worst side-effect was that I vomited/dry heaved on several occasions. The anesthesiologist took care of me though, holding the barf bucket, sucking up the liquid with one of those things they use at the dentist, and wiping the dribble off the side of my face....

And then the moment we'd waiting 40 long weeks for (and then some)!!

Emily Reese Koechling was born on Tuesday, December 13, 2011 at 10:24am by scheduled c-section. She weighed 6lbs, 7oz and was 19in long. When I heard her first cry, I burst into tears, and when I first saw her, ever so briefly, I was amazed at how different she looked from Noah!

It seemed like an eternity before they brought her back so I could see her close up - probably not more than five minutes - and I later learned her APGARs were 7, 9, & 9. The first was lower because she wasn't breathing as quickly as they wanted and they wanted to give her a little oxygen. I barely even remember seeing her up close, but it was at that point that they took Emily and Ben to recovery and the doctors finished closing me up. Again, it may have just been because I was mentally in a different state this time, but surgery seemed to go much more quickly this time, and the time between Ben leaving and me going to recovery seemed much shorter.

When I got to recovery, Emily was under the heat lamp because she was having difficulty regulating her body temperature. It wasn't long though before they asked if I wanted to try to nurse her, and it brought tears to my eyes when she easily latched and nursed.

Once we were in recovery, Ben contacted our family to let them know we were out of surgery, and would hopefully be in a room in a few hours. We wound up being in recovery for probably and hour and a half. They kept telling me I could go to my room when I could wiggle my toes. I tried desparately on several occasions to wiggle my toes, and when it finally happened, they said we could head to my room and Emily would go to the nursery to get a bath before joining us in the room.

More to come, because my story could not be THAT simple...

just days to go! and other ramblings

*39 weeks, 5 days*

it is hard to imagine that by this time next week, i WILL be holding my baby girl. it's still so surreal. i feel like it just really set in that i'm pregnant. i'm tired and sore, but i will be a little sad when it's over. i will likely never be pregnant again, and for most people, that might not be saddening, but i guess most people, they can change their mind on that one...

anywho, as of this past monday, i was still at 1-2 cm, 40% effaced (same place i was at the monday before). i have been having contractions on and off for several weeks. they actually started the night before thanksgiving. they weren't painful, just uncomfortable for close to a week. the tuesday after thanksgiving, i was at target and suddenly, omg. i was in such pain, and i thought wow, this might be it! but then they stopped... and then they continued on and off for days. i'd hoped the painful ones meant there would be some cervical change, and we'd be on our way to my desired VBAC, but no dice.

at my appt on monday, the doctor said he wanted to see me back on friday and i asked about what would happen if again there was no change, ie. how quickly could i get in for a c-section? saturday? monday? tuesday, doctor said, but if i wanted, i could just schedule it for friday. he told me to think about it, and call the next day to let them know if i wanted to schedule a c-section.

i was realllly hoping there would have been some progress, and i wouldn't have to make this decision, but after talking to ben, going to acupuncture, and having a moment of clarity, i decided i was going to schedule a c-section for tuesday.

so, i went back for more acupuncture tonight, and tomorrow, i see the OB, where he'll check me and strip my membranes as a last ditch effort for my desired VBAC. if nothing happens this weekend, i'll go back to the OB one last time on monday and c-section will (inevitably) be on tuesday.

if i do wind up having a c-section, so be it. we did what we could to have a vaginal delivery, and i just don't see the point of waiting a few more days to have another baby at 41 weeks by c-section. i'm a little selfish and impatient at this point i guess. i'm tired and sore, and really don't want to have to go back to work next week. and really, as terrified as i am of how hard life as a mommy of two is going to be (at least for a little while), i am aching to see this girl, cradle her little body, touch her little face. i can't wait to take that first look, to match the one of noah that is burned into my memory. i can't wait to share her with the world, but more importantly than anyone in this world, for us to share her with noah. to finally hand deliver the gift that i wanted so desparately for him is the moment that i have looked the most forward to. i cannot wait to see the look on his face and the way he reacts when he finally sees and meets his baby sister, who i know he already loves in a way that i don't think most three year olds would.

my boy is growing up so fast, and it's hard to imagine that in just days we will be a big brother. i know that he will be the best big brother to his baby sister. he will teach her and guide her and lead her through life. not only is she a gift to him, but he will be a gift to her, and i cannot wait to watch them grow up together and explore the world together.

life gets in the way all too often and i forget to take a step back and take it all in. it's usually at night, when i'm watching noah sleep that tears come to my eyes and i'm amazing by what i have created and what i am doing my best to mold on a daily basis. i'm not a perfect parent, and i wish i could be better most days, but it's a hard job, to raise a child. especially one who is so strong and driven and motivated to learn about the world!

it's been a hard couple years though too, between my RA being the worst of my life when noah was young, to going through IVF twice in the last two years, and being pregnant for the past nine months. my hope is that after baby girl is born, i will get healthy and strong and be more physically able to be available so that i am more mentally available to both my babies. i want to do the very best i can, and give my babies the very best, because they deserve nothing less. it might be a challenge, but it's one i want to face head on.

to my baby girl: i love you from the deepest part of my soul, and yet i have never laid my eyes on you. i will forever look at you and noah, and be amazed and awed by my journey to have you. the fact that you were both mere clusters of cells, created in a dish in a lab and carefully placed into my body by a doctor, will never be lost on me, and my gratitude to all the people who played a role in my infertility and IVF expereiences will always be in my heart. i look forward to someday sharing the story of our journey and your conception with you and your brother. i am not ashamed to be infertile, nor will i ever be anything but proud to be an IVF mommy. you and noah are the greatest gifts in my life, and i would go through all of it, to hell and back again, to know that you are my prize in the end. i don't know why the world is how it is, if there's a god or not, or what it all means, but i know that i believe in love and goodness and that my children are the greatest part of me and have made me a far better person than i ever could have dreamed to be. i will keep striving to be better and to do better because you deserve everything good in the world. my baby girl, i am so greatful for you, and i cannot wait to meet you and to watch you grow into an amazing person. i love you with my whole heart, always and forever.

36 weeks

the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter! ultrasound last night confirmed baby girl is head down and raring to go. holy cow, this is going to happen, and it's gonna happen soon! i think i've been have contractions on and off for the past week. she's moving like mad, and pushing down hard on my hooha, and while she's measuring a little small (just under 6lbs or 34ish weeks, per the ultrasound), she's fiesty as hell, and i know we're in for it.

as these final weeks play out, i'm experiencing so many emotions. i have to stop sometimes, and take it all in. the movement, however uncomfortable it is becoming at , noah, and the size of my growing belly... i may never experience these feelings again in my life so i have to remember to enjoy these final moments of pregnancy. on the other hand, i'm ready to be done being pregnant so that we can finally meet this little girl, see her face, and love on her.

the other night, noah was talking to my belly and it made me cry. he said "i love you baby. i love you baby sister. you're so precious." he is so in love with the idea of her. i don't know if he fully understands the reality of how life is going to change, but he loves babies and is so sweet with them.

i am almost more emotional thinking about him meeting her than US meeting her. i think part of it is because it will be seeing our family finally become whole, but also because of the lengths we went to with the intent of making noah a big brother. i wanted a baby for myself, true, but moreso, i wanted noah to have a sibling and if this IVF cycle wouldn't have worked, we wouldn't have stopped there. it might have cost us tens of thousands of dollars, but we would have found a way to give noah a sibling.

not a day goes by that i'm not amazed by and grateful for the life growing inside me. i will always be a proud IVF mama, and i'm so grateful to the doctors who worked their magic and for the infertility community who have been my support system for the past five years.

as it comes quickly to it's end, i'll never forget the journey i've been on. it has been the hardest and best of my life. parenting is more challenging and stressful than i ever imagined, but the joy of my amazing noah is more rewarding than words can describe. and baby girl. my beautiful princess, who is destined to be a tomboy, simply because i'm desparate for her to wear dresses and be a girly girl! i am so in love with the idea of her, and i know the moment i lay eyes on her, my life will be forever changed. little girl, i adore you. i think you know that already. :)